There's nothing scarier than a blank word document. The cursor blinks at you so menacingly, judging every word that is written. I’ve been here countless times and it doesn't seem to get easier. I like to call myself a ‘writer,’ but sometimes it feels like I'm fighting a losing war to just get the words out onto the page. I can claim writer’s block, hand spasms or temporary insanity, whatever the reason may be the result is still the same. I am stuck. It seems like I have been banished to ‘shitty writing purgatory.’
It's not for lack of trying. It just seems like everything I write or try to think of is trite, overdone and just really stupid. One of my goals for the new year was to write more, even if it meant that wasn’t necessarily the most cohesive thing, I wanted to put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard. I think my problem is that my days are full of a lot of the same, so it is hard to find fascinating bits to pull to create a tangible story. You would think it would be easy for me, since I'm such an avid reader. Just last year I read 52 books, which Is a fact that I am quite proud of. I feel like I am in a creative rut. I need a spark, something to get me back on track and help to motivate me to write freely.
It doesn’t necessarily help that I am known in my family as a creative soul. I have been asked when my next piece of writing will be, to share snippets with them and to come back to posting on my blog. It is not that I don't want to, it just feels like everything I write is simply not good enough to share. All of this is my anxiety talking, this I know. I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist, especially when it comes to my writing and knowing that people I love will be reading it. I want to be as well-written and thought-provoking as it possibly can be. I have given myself a lot of leeway, not wanting to push myself too much and have writing become a thing I dread. However, I think it's time to dust off the keyboard and get back to where I truly belong.
Writing is in my blood. I started writing and telling stories from a young age, wanting to mimic the feelings I felt from reading my favorite books. I had a wild imagination and I was able to draw up fantastical stories that I shared with my friends and family. As I grew older, my imagination waned. It’s still there, but buried beneath years of real-life experience, stubbornness and growing pains. Imagination is the crux of writing, truly letting your inhibitions be taken to another world. I want to relearn to trust my imagination and use it to help my writing blossom throughout this year.
Change can be scary, I know that first hand. Use the fear of failure to motivate you to succeed. I’m excited to tap into the writer I used to be, in this new era. Being able to write is truly such a gift, one that we take for granted each day. I know when I was in school and was assigned an essay to work on, I wasn’t jumping for joy. It felt like a chore, and throughout my time in school it was hard to break from the mindset that writing could also be a cathartic, therapeutic exercise and not just a homework assignment. Being able to write about your day or your feelings in a specific era, is almost like a time capsule to your mind. I strongly urge you to join me on this writing journey! Give yourself grace, we all start somewhere, but how great will it feel once it’s completed?
Here’s to us!
Xoxo,
Shelby
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